If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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