I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
