I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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