hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize