I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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