I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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