**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
