It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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