I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
from now on my penis is your penis
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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