Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
