I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
