I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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