I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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