During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
