he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
