I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
