Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
