I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i would punch a child for taco bell
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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