i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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