There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
