Moan for me like Helen Keller
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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