Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
