What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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