I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
