Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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