So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have fence marks all over my body
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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