when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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