i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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