I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
