Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
