Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize