unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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