so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
