We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
