WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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