In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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