Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
