forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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