Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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