a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
