Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
