remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
