i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
