maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
