he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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