That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
