just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
