Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
