Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
