no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
