im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
