I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
