Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
