This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
