no, he came in my armpit
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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