I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
