I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
