No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
