Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
