I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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