Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
